


30-50 Feral Hogs...

by Jahgyong



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Based off that one viral Twitter meme, F/M, Feral Hogs, Parodyfic, crackfic, memefic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-23
Updated: 2019-08-23
Packaged: 2020-09-24 11:16:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 768
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20357581
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jahgyong/pseuds/Jahgyong
Summary: Takeshi and Yuuko Nishigori have a problem, one that’s been hogging their attention as of late: the 30-50 wild hogs that keep sauntering into their yard in 3-5 minutes while their daughters are playing. What should the Nishigori parents do?





	30-50 Feral Hogs...

**Author's Note:**

> i will never write quality content, thank you

“Papa, can we go play outside?” 

It was a question that struck fear in Takeshi Nishigori’s heart these days. How could he deny his cute little daughters when they peered up at him with such endearing eyes? He obviously _ wanted _them to run outside and under the sun to enjoy the gentle breeze, crisp air, and irreplaceable childhood. However… 

“Alright, girls, go ahead,” Takeshi’s wife, Yuuko, said with a nod. “But don’t play too rough.” 

Takeshi moved his stare from their daughters to his wife, horrified. Did Yuuko really _ dare _ send their kids out to play, when… 

“Okay!” the triplets chirped in unison. “Bye, mama! Bye, papa!” 

“Girls, wait,” Takeshi started, lifting a hand, but with an enthusiastic flapper of their arms, the girls scurried away. Thus, he could do nothing more than watch his daughters bound out the door, a familiar anxiousness twisting his heart. “I think we should call them back in,” he said, turning to catch Yuuko’s eye. 

His wife tipped her head slightly, confusion furrowing her brows. “Why?”

“Have you forgotten?” He gestured to the window, leading her over to it. 

“About what?” Yuuko put her hands on her hips, leaning forward to look out the window. 

“You know…” Takeshi joined her in scrutinizing the scenery outside. So far, so good. Blue skies, variable clouds, light wind ruffling the leaves on trees, their little girls chasing each other around with sticks… He hoped that _ They _ wouldn’t come today. “Those… pigs?” 

Yuuko shook her head. “You’re _ still _thinking about those pigs?” 

“They’ve been here two days in a row!” 

“Well, maybe their owner learned to control them?” Yuuko faced her childhood friend-turned-husband with wide eyes. 

“I don’t think they belong to any farmer--” Takeshi cut himself off as he spotted, in the distance, a cluster of dotty shapes. “Oh, no…” 

Yuuko bit her lip when she noticed the figures as well. “I’m gonna get the girls,” she said over her shoulder as she briskly exited the room, leaving Takeshi rooted in his spot, his eyes glued on the approaching mass. The wild hogs were back. Without thinking twice, he hurried outside to where the rest of his family were. 

He caught them while they were halfway back to the house, Yuuko ushering the kids along.

“Papa!” Lutz said, running off ahead of her sisters to greet their father.

“Look, it’s the pigs again!” Axel said, pointing to the nearing group. 

“I know, I know,” Takeshi said quickly, gently pushing one girl after another into the house. 

“Why do they keep coming here?” he heard Loop ask from behind him as he took Yuuko’s hand, also pulling her into their abode before slamming the door shut. 

“I don’t know, but I’ll get to the bottom of this,” he said wearily, joining the triplets at the window to watch the parade of pigs execute their routine. 

As if on cue, the feral hogs arrived: the first of the lumbering, dark, shaggy-furred creatures began entering their property. Takeshi glanced at the clock, noting the time. He then resumed watching the wild pigs alongside his family. The first ones that had wandered into their yard were sniffing at the grass, mostly stationary. Several more now tottered onto the premise, copying their companions’ actions. 

“Look at them!” Axel breathed, pressing her face and palms against the glass, her sisters mimicking her. Normally, Yuuko would tell them to _ stop that, you’re leaving prints all over the glass, _but she had grown rather lenient regarding touching the windowpanes since these hogs had started visiting them. 

Soon, all of the pigs were more or less scattered throughout their yard and the street facing them. Takeshi checked the time again, realizing that it had taken about four minutes for the hogs to fully assemble on their lawn… just like yesterday. 

“Ohh, what do we do about them?” Yuuko questioned, placing a hand on her heart as she eyed the feasting pigs. 

“I’ll figure it out, honey,” Takeshi assured her weakly, because he frankly had no idea what to do about these hogs. He racked his brain for a solution as his daughters chattered amongst each other and his wife looked on. And then it hit him. 

Pulling his phone out from his pocket, he opened up his old Twitter account (that site provided him with entertainment on days that he felt down, although he didn’t frequent it as much since his daughters had been born) to ask his followers a question:

_ What do I do about the 30-50 feral hogs that keep coming into my yard in 3-5 mins while my kids are playing? _

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading, and take care <3


End file.
